I wanna passion pit in your ass
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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