Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
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