I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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