I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Randomize
