so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Randomize
