I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
