So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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