On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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