Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Randomize
