No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
