I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I intend to get homeless drunk
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize