i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
