Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
