my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
