I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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