I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
