My brain says no but my pants say off.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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