God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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