D3 body, D1 cock
I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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