The brown eye won't let me do that either.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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