im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
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