margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
