he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
