I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
