My hand turned me down
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
