I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Randomize
