I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
