my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
