I'm jealous of your bromance
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
