Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
