only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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