dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Randomize