Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
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