Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Randomize
