I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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