just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Randomize
