I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
