Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
