do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
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