butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
