Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize