dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
