something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
