I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
