...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
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