I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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