You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
