god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize