Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
