The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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