Moan for me like Helen Keller
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Two words: blizzard sex
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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