either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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