Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
