I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
kristin has been a bad kristin
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Randomize
