I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
