Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
