she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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