I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
