another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize