New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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