Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
