After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
