I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
