We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
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