I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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