How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
