Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Randomize
