The maid of honor just puked.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
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