I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
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