I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
