Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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