my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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