you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
