I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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