I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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