The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
