So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
