puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
