my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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