I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
