I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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