just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
