Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
