Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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