I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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