If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize