like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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