omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
