You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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