Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Randomize
