I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize