he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
