I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
