from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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