do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
